My husband and I have been married for a few months now and right after the wedding moved across the country for his job. Things just all came crashing down on me over the past week. I have no one to talk to because I don't want either of us to be judged. Any advice or comfort would help.
Before marriage:
We met a few years ago and began dating. We fell quickly for each other. I moved in rather quickly. Things were going great! He told me anything I wanted to know. He explained he had some law suits open against his ex fiance. He was very open about everything. He showed me a print out of his account and how much money he had. He had been moving up at his job, and was very successful. He had good credit. Not to mention he was the sweetest man I've ever met. My family loved him. He made me feel like I was his world. He was just the total package!
About 6 months in I had to get a restraining order on someone and quit my job. 8 days after I quit my job I was looking at my online profile and deleting it. (i met him online) I found the thread where we first started talking and was rereading it. I noticed the information he gave about past relationships was different from what he had been telling me. I caught a lie!! (I had suspicions of him lying just never caught any.)
I sent a HUGE email calling him out on it. I was so upset. He then sent a reply and confessed everything. There were no law suits open. His credit was **** and he was falling behind on rent fast. (Living beyond his means.) Even the "bank account" printout I saw was a fake. (He is VERY tech savvy.) Everything he had told me thus far was a lie.
I pretty much had a meltdown. Not only did I just quit my job so I couldn't leave, I had helped him lie (not knowingly) to my family and friends. I was so angry and wanted to leave. But at the same time I still loved him so much. I called and told my mom. (3am) She told me to pray. She also told me she thought he as a nice guy and that I should give him another chance. Everyone makes mistakes. She said he didn't have to apologize to her or Dad. As long as he made it right with me thats all that mattered.
So we worked it out. I forgave him and he swore never to lie again. He said he hated hurting me and just wanted to make me happy. Things were going great after that. He showed me everything. His credit score. His actual bank account. (Even added me to the account.) He was earning my trust back and being just wonderful.
On our one year he proposed. (Even asked my Dad for permission first.) A year later we got married. The night before we got married I asked if he was POSITIVE there were no more lies. I did not want to start a marriage on a lie. He assured me he was nothing but truthful. The wedding was everything I always wanted!
After Marriage:
We moved a week after the wedding for his job. We are now across the country. I am away from all my family and friends and quite lonely. We seemed to be getting stronger for it though since all we had was each other. Things were going great!
Then last friday we were going to get me a car. He was going to be on the loan since I don't have a job yet in this state. We were sitting in the car office waiting for approval. It took forever! I walked out and said I was done waiting. He came out to the car and said we were not approved because his credit says he has a bankruptcy. He was pissed off saying he has to rush home and call credit agencies and report it as a false thing on the report. He seemed really angry.
I looked at him and said I need you to tell me if you are lying. Please tell me. If you filed for bankruptcy I need to know. He started crying. He told me everything. (Again.) How a MONTH after we started DATING he filed. (chapter 13) He had a few more years on payments. He racked up all the debt buying his ex fiance fancy clothes and jewelry. He was lying to her about money too. He had thousands in credit card debt. He also included the car he was driving on it. (Which both his family and I think is payed off.)
So the ENTiRE relationship was based on lies. I was devastated! I felt like the wedding was a lie. I couldn't look at pictures or anything. I feel like the person I said I would spend the rest of my life with was a fictional character. I felt lost. I still do. We have been fighting the last week. I love him with all my heart and at the same time I hate him. I feel like he is a stranger. He told me he was done lying this time and that he couldn't stand how emotionally distraught I've been.
That brings us to last night. I was asking him about everything he has ever told me. I was asking if there were any other lies and that I needed to know everything. Then he confessed AGAIN. All the things he said about the job offers he had in our early relationship were lies. (raises and things that he didn't get.) He told me he lied about his first gf. They never had sex. He didn't lose his virginity till he met his ex fiance. (The girl right before me.)
*****
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel like I can tell anyone because I feel like they will be biased and say I have to leave him. That is not what I want. That is a VERY LAST resort. I had a Catholic wedding and my marriage is forever. I am just so depressed. I sit here all day and cry. I am a thousand miles away from anyone I know and the one person I should be able to find comfort in is the one hurting me. I feel like he is a stranger. I have no idea if the lies will ever stop. Can a compulsive liar ever get help? I don't know where to turn or how to fix this.
He really does seem to want to get help. He is in the process of finding a therapist through his insurance. He says he knows he needs IC before we could ever do MC. I have not forced him. He is doing it all on his own. He begs me not to leave and is admitting he may have an addicting to lying. I feel like he is trying harder this time to prove he is sorry. I am just scared. I have been hurt so deeply and don't know how to start the healing.
Other than the lies we really are perfect together. We go to church together. We agree on having children someday and how to parent them. His family loves me and mine love him. He doesn't have spending problems anymore. He actually saves money now and bargain shops! He is honestly perfect in every way except for lying about money. I could understand in the beginning trying to impress me but we are married now!
I will stop rambling. Just venting since I can't to anyone else. Like I said please give me any advice you can. Try to be understanding. These wounds are fresh and I need compassion. Thank you for your time!!
Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relationships-addiction/66673-will-he-every-stop-lying.html
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